The expectations we place on those we care about, whether it is with spouses, children, family, friends, significant others, or spiritual leaders, are sometimes more than the person is willing and/or capable of actually providing. Our expectations usually come from an area where there is a “need,” and we want that need supplied or that “void” filled. When the need is not met or the void is not filled, we often find ourselves unfulfilled, discouraged, despondent, and sometimes depressed.
I believe God wants us to be so full of Him that there is no “neediness” in our lives. As a result, anything else we receive from others would be “perks” or “fringe benefits.” We are to be totally complete in God.
Ephesians 3:19, “And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 5:18, “And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit.”
Colossians 1:9. “For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.”
The enemy preys upon our affections and emotions, particularly when we continually reach out to others for what we are needing or lacking in our lives. This causes us to put ourselves on the line to show others love, kindness and consideration. However, when we do this and our affections are not reciprocated, it creates a wound; and we have to go through a healing process. That is why the Lord wants us to be filled with all fullness in Him. When we are full of Him, rejection, emptiness, loneliness, neediness, etc., are not issues; because there is no room for that – we are already full. When we are full of Him, we no longer expect others to fulfill our needs. Instead, we reach out to others from a place of overflow, because our fullness is in God. We are complete in Him.
If we are not full of Him and continually being filled, we will wander around in life just as the children of Israel did in the wilderness, except we will be wandering around in a vicious circle of LOVE-REJECTION-HURT-HEALING-LOVE-REJECTION-HURT-HEALING, and so forth and so on. “Ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3:7.
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For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. Amen!
Thank you for confirmation and encouragement!
You’re welcome and I appreciate the Word of prayer! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
As usual, perfect timing, as I struggle with loving in an unlovable world! LOVE-REJECTION-HURT-HEALING-LOVE-REJECTION-HURT-HEALING abounds! So simple, yet “I” make it so hard! “When we are full of Him, rejection, emptiness, loneliness, neediness, etc., are not issues; because there is no room for that – we are already full.” TIME TO GET FULL!!! I shall place these words within my vision, as a constant reminder and encouragement to seek and build a stronger relationship with HIM…agressively! Another GRAND SLAM DearEncourager!! Keep them coming!!!!!!!!
“TIME TO GET FULL!!!” Yassss it is! Loved that Terri! Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
I had the same feeling Takeshia had. We have had this conversation many times. This has pushed me to realize I need to examine and change my mindset. AWESOME
I don’t know why I’m amazed at what God is doing! SMH lol I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Dear Encourager
Amen and thank you.
As people we are so guided by our emotions. These emotions keep us continually wanting or needing something. Many times we charge others for our wants and needs, and in some cases, without letting our expectations be known; and, in some those expectations shouldn’t be charged to anyone else in the first place. While in relationship with others, or even starting a new relationship, we charge others or expect others to make us happy, or heal the wounds of our past; when indeed, neither is the responsibility of another individual. We must learn to first be happy with ourselves or seek the help we need to heal from our broken pasts. Truly, we need to seek God to overcome these shortcomings in expectations, and until we do, we will continue to find fault in the way someone cares for us.
Relationships can be difficult enough, at times, without placing expectations on another person. We can avoid charging others with our expectation, or being charged for someone else’s expectations, by communicating. If we communicate our wants, needs and desires to others, we can avoid being disappointed or disappointing someone, because we are giving or we give the other person the opportunity to say I can do that or I can’t do that, thus relieving some of the pressure in the relationship.
Another point that should be mentioned is this: all relationships take work. However, if we do not have a good relationship with ourselves and with God, it will be difficult to have a good relationship with anyone else, whether they are friend, family, spouse or significant other. We are created to first be in relationship with God, and if we do this, we will by default have a good relationship with ourselves thus eliminating the need to place impossible expectations on others for our happiness and any other need or want. As Dear Encourager points out, God’s love is so complete, it will leave you fulfilled and happy, lacking nothing. Allow others to enhance your life instead of placing expectations on them to fill emotional gaps they are not equipped to or supposed to fill. I am including one of my favorite poems about what happens when we go it alone without God’s guidance.
Take Me Aboard
I tried to steer my boat alone and find my own way
But a wind caught my sail and sent my boat astray
I drifted across the sea and my boat was way off track
I turned my boat around, but couldn’t find my way back
You pulled Your ship beside me and tried to give me a tow
I said that I could handle it, and said that You could go
Then the stormy weather came and my boat begin to shake
I was tossed around from side to side, then realized my mistake
Smashed across the rocks was my helpless little boat
But somehow through the storm I managed to stay afloat
Then out of nowhere came the lifeline that I really needed
When I saw that it was You, I asked and begged and pleaded
“Take me aboard, oh Lord, Your ship of destiny
Take me aboard, oh Lord, so that I may sail free”
You answered my request with love and understanding
This ship is on a Holy course and the work is very demanding
I can give you back your boat and send you on your way
But without Me guiding it, you are guaranteed to stray
I tugged on the lifeline gently, hoping it wouldn’t break
Gathered my thoughts and realized that my soul was at stake
Then I answered the Father quickly, making this decree
“Take me aboard, oh Lord, Your ship of destiny
Take me aboard, oh Lord; only with You can I sail free”
Thank you again for blessing us with your wisdom and insight, and for the beautiful, timely poem. You are truly a gift.
Love it
Thank you! Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
After reading your post, I feel like you have read chapters out of my diary.
I haven’t but He knows everything! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment
It is comforting to KNOW Rom. 8.31-39, that in Him (Christ Jesus) nothing can overpower/overtake us. Be Bless
After reading your post, I feel like you have read a few pages in my diary 🙂
Thank you for sharing.
I read it I loved it.
Thank you
Thank you once again. there’s always something to learn something to ponder on when i read your articles. Thank you. keep it coming.