Death always drives me to my knees. The death of a loved one is such a profound loss that leaves you emotionally spent. My prayer during those trying times has constantly been, “God if you don’t stand up in me, I will not be able to stand.” Of course, God never failed to answer my prayer. He never failed to strengthen me and carry me through.
But, this time it was different. This time I did not pray that prayer. This time I did not want to be the “strong one.” This time I wanted to be weak. I wanted to be left alone to feel the pain of losing my beloved brother and friend. However, what I was feeling was conflicting with what I believed, and what was expected of me. I knew the scriptures to say and the prayers to pray, and I even knew that God would answer me, but I did not want to say a scripture or pray a prayer. I wanted to sit with the pain of my loss.
Then, I received an encouraging email from a sister friend quoting 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. These scriptures spoke to my heart and released me to be okay with “being weak.”
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12-9:10.
I could then cry out to the Lord the truth of what I was feeling, “I am weak; I am weak.” I realized my faith had not failed because I was weak. The Word had not failed because I was weak, and feeling weak did not make me a weak Christian. To the contrary, it was okay for in my weakness He was already being strong in me.
The New Living Translations states, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Knowing this, I could give myself permission to be weak, because in my weakness, God’s power was at its best.